Stressed Out

i do not know whether i love college, or if i hate it. I have enjoyed the freedom that has came with college however the level of stress is out of this world. I mean Math is basically kicking my ass, Math is the root of all evil omg! and here i am wanting to be a journalist/Veterinarian so i have to allow it to kick my ass if i want to to succeed with the goal i have set. There are times i am all for the fact of dropping the dream of becoming a veterinarian and sticking to journalism then i remember i am the girl always telling people
“Chase your dreams regardless of the challenges.” It is wishing this moments i realize that i need to take my own damn advice. For a long time i did not even want to go to college, i just wanted to be done with school, but when a friend would suggest doing it i would be like ” What are you crazy?” I look back to then and now and realize i am probably my own worst enemy. Nobody held the power to persuade me and my feelings but myself. I look back and realize i had such big visions of my myself and what my life was supposed to be like to what it was like. I had always wanted so much for myself and would piss myself off when i realized i had nothing of what i had visioned. So as time went by i stopped visualizing of what my life was supposed to be and did not give 2 single fucks, and that was when the magic happened. I had in a way destroyed myself i had let go of everything i had once known to be me and let myself act on pulse and not thought and it was bad however it was amazing. In the process of destroying myself i had realized who i really was and i pissed and hurt a lot of people off on the way, and i am sorry about it but in a way i feel like Everything i ever said and done needed to happen. Because if you keep everything in you are bound to blow and being a bitch was not my favorite thing but it showed me who really cared about me vs who just dealt with me because they had to. Now college ties all into this because i am actually here doing it, and getting dragged while doing it. I just want 10 years from now to have my degree in journalism finished with Vet school and at least 1 kid and the bragging rights of saying i did it. I want 5 kids when i am older and i have this major goal of being my kids goals, somebody they brag about and want to be just like, and i want to be able to brag about myself. Yes you can brag about yourself and still be humble. So as college drags me i think about my future kids. I am only 18 and think about my future kids all the time. I never thought i would be so obsessed with the idea of being somebodys mom and having a little me with me all the time, and i feel like if i bring a little version of me into this world one day i want to be somebody they can be proud of. So college can continue to drag me, GRE prep can continue to drag me, Sallie Mae can continue to punch me in the mouth because nothing worth having comes easy.

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7 thoughts on “Stressed Out

  1. I can relate on the point of having a vision you’re trying to uphold. In my life I’ve found that I’m prone to settling on a vision and being single minded in its pursuit to the point that I either achieve it, or it threatens to crush me. What I’ve learned is that my vision is exactly that. Mine. Because it’s mine I also have the ability to adjust it. It took me a long time to understand that not accomplishing something is not necessarily a failure. Sometimes it’s simply life. Life is not static and dreams don’t need to be either. I’m not telling you to drop your’s, but I am saying you’d be wise to look for when it’s time to let it evolve (if that time comes). Great post!

    Like

  2. Lol I totally agree. I have been struggling so much to figure out if I love or hate college. I believe I am lean more towards the hate side. High school made me think I can juggle so many different classes but I guess I was wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. you will eventually find out if you love it i am leaning towards the love side now because the good will outweigh the bad and all the stupid things you stress will only be stress of the past . you got this !!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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