The bitch who chose the high road

So i have realized today i am actually a better person then i even thought i was. And I am not saying that to be conceited or have my nose in the air i am saying it because i realized i was praying for people who have done me wrong, for them to do better. And that takes a lot, for those that don’t know i was a bitch. I mean straight up rude and mean bitch, i had no filter and if i felt the need to make your life hell, i would. I lived like this for a pretty decent amount of time until i realized everybody hated me, granted they would still hangout with me and go out with me, but they viewed me as this evil bitch. And i do not want to be that girl that everybody is  like ” yeah she’s pretty and cool but she’s a bitch.” That one word defeats the whole point of your character and reputation. However being abitch works both ways, i was only bitchy to those who were bitchy to me. I just didn’t wake up one day like i feel like being a bitch, i was made into the bitch.

People will treat you poorly if you let them, and for a long time i allowed people to talk to me any kind of way, treat me any kind of way, and feel like they have a right to express how they feel negatively about me and i would sit back and take it… that lasted up until i was 13. I feel like i was to the point where i wasn’t going to let anybody tell me anything and i was no longer about to explain myself. And let me ell you guys this i pissed a lot of people off that year, my parents, friends, but i never felt so liberated in my life. I had total control over how i felt and what people said to me and about me. When they would something i felt was disrespectful i would say and wrote something 10 times worse, i just did not care. My parents thought it was because of my mom, the fact i hadn’t seen her in years, they thought it was a form of backlash and anger when in reality it was me starting to become who i was meant to be. Going to therapy taught me if you shutup people will only have the power to assume, and if you feed them what they want to hear they will get pissed off, it was better if i just kept everything to myself and continued on being the bitch i was.

16 years old, this year was the best year i think i had, I didn’t have a sweet 16, my parents didn’t surprise me with a car however i surprised myself, i had a clue as to what the hell i was going to do with my life and instead of telling everybody my plan, i kept it to myself. My bitch level was off the charts, i had little to none real friends however i had a strong sense of self. I came to the conclusion if people couldn’t like me for who i was i was not going to change myself for them to accept me. I had realized then who my true friends were. the ones who loved me and stayed by me when i  was just a monster, like legit hell demon. 17 years old was mediocre i hated it. i was a bitch but less bitchy i was just so ready to graduate and get the hell on. My plan was to move to Florida and away from everybody but my dad was all ” Michigan is home, it will be good for you” and so on and in a way he was right. I work i am in college however i did not go through these levels of bitch to settle for Michigan.

Present time, i love Michigan but this is not home anymore. Yes i get excited when i come to visit, yes i have amazing memories here with places and people. But i did not stay here for 14 years and leave and expect to live here till i die. I just won’t. In one of my old journals from the 6th grade i had told myself ” No matter what you do never settle for less then what you always wanted.” And staying here forever would be settling. When you have dreams and visions for your life and goals and you know in your gut that the place you’re living in isn;t for you, run. Run away as fast as you can and never look back. People call me selfish all the time because i feel like i don’t owe them anything, as like they don’t owe me anything. There is nothing worse then a person who does things for you without you asking and brings it back up with “remember when i now you have to” No  i don’t have to anything, don’t do me any favors if you expect one in return. Granted if you look out for me i will look out for you, but trust me there is a huge difference between genuine and forced. And until i get genuine yes i will be selfish because when your selfish you get shit done!

I am only 18, soon to be 19 in august and i am a bitch sometimes, i am a sweetheart, i am selfish , i am a lot of things however i own up to what makes me who i am. Too many people act as if they are gods gift and some type of savior and angle because they do you favors. I don’t like that, I think growing up mean and bitchy in a way helped me, i learned how to live isolated and while isolated i learn to love my own company and had the time to think about the people and energy i wanted to surround me. And that scares people, so they label me bitch,stuck up,selfish,nag, etc etc. But It does not bother me and it shouldn’t bother anybody else. knowing what you want and deserve is not a crime, voicing how you feel is not a crime, it is just all about how you chose to put forth your energy around other people. You can either be the bitch everybody hates, yet on the low admire and respects because you get things done, and know what you want and go and get it. Or you can be the bitch that people hate just because you’re a plain bitch. Chose wisely my friends and remember to always be the bitch that takes the high road.

 

 

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