Antisocial

 

  • P!nk:  I got money now  ( listen to it then you will get it more)

 

I swear the only time you hear from people is when they need something, or is if they are telling you about something that you are doing wrong. I want everybody to think about the last time that they heard from somebody and they were not talking to you for one of those 2 reasons… The list is slim to none. I used to be the person who wanted everybody attention 24/7 now I wish people would honestly just let me be. I am not saying do not speak to me or ask me to do things with them, more just if you aren’t genuine with your intentions with me, let me be. I feel like people give a lot to other people and all people in their own way are takers. We enjoy taking things at the expense of it being free. And time and attention is viewed as free. However my time is valuable to me and is like money. I work 8 hours a day 5 days a week at my job, i know putting my time into my job i am going to get what i expected, a check. money. I was putting in the work for the dollar it was a mutual giving relationship. I expect that with people too.

I feel like relationships now of days are on average 60/40. Somebody is giving somebody their all, while another is just taking and taking and taking. I say this because i was a taker. Now i did not take just because i could i took because it was all i needed to do. I feel like people underestimate the ability of other people to feel the connection they have with a person. I have been around people i know loved me, and i have been around people who claimed that they did when everything that they did action wise spoke different. If a person loves you they will never have you up next to the next person as competition. When you love somebody you jsut love them, never put them in a place where they have to question if they are the only one, and if they even mean a damn thing to you. If somebody ever places you next to the next person do not ever give them all of you…EVER. Make them feel that they are privileged to even have you in their life because anybody who treats you like an option does not to be treated like a priority.

Relationships just aren’t friends and boyfriends/girlfriends. Family counts too. One major thing I do personally is feel the need to explain myself to my family and friends. When they get upset with me for whatever reason I feel obligated to breakdown my decision and explain my actions behind it. Then i want to say around the age of 17 i was done. I did not feel that compelling need to explain myself to anybody because i could care less what anybody had to say, because regardless of what i was going to do, say people were going to talk. And allow people to talk, allow them to call you out your name, allow them to be them. But do not allow them to take your time. I was huge on allowing people to take my time, i would give them exactly what they wanted in hopes they would see 1. I did not care 2. i was so confused as to who i was becoming, and who i was meant to be and 3. i hated, and i mean hated daily routine. There was a time where i got off on pissing people off, because they would make me mad. And i believed in the ignorant philosophy of fighting fire with fire, and in the end i burned nearly everything down.

The point in the whole story is sometimes you are meant to be alone for some time. I would drive myself crazy trying to mold myself into something other people wanted. I would use my 24 hours given to me to help make other people “happy” and in mist of doing this all i did was piss people off and piss myself off even more. I think i finally really started to find myself when all i had been myself. You can be surrounded in a room full of people but it is an inner feeling, the feeling of only having you. On the plane from Georgia to Michigan I had me, and that day i think for the first time i realized all i was all i needed, and the gift of time. Being on a plane alone going to a different yet familiar place i was forced to either be lost, or make my own way on my own time. I go to college, i work, i do my own thing and i became so selective on who i let in my life on a personal level. I have social media obviously and talk on there allowing people to see what i want them to see. Then i have my own non-social side the things that do not make social media and i have friends i tell those things to. And that list of friends went from like 10 to 1 very fast. I did this because i value my time and I will give my time to work,school, my blog but i will not give it to people. Finding a inner balance between your sanity and your heart is tough, because you want to help and please everybody. However that is were you being selfish comes into play and people let me tell you BE SELFISH WITH YOUR TIME.

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