I wish i would of stayed home.

Fall has begun and one thing is true, tis the season to visit the past. I think everybody does this simply because the weather and the fact we are all approaching a new year, new memories and most likely new people. So instead of dwelling on the past it would be so easier if we all just let the people we used to talk know why we will never talk again and why and how we are living and breathing just fine with their absent in our lives.  But then they will form the idea that we still dwell on the past when really we both know we don’t talk anymore and we probably will never talk again. 

 

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I wish people came into our life with like a sticker and or just told you i am going to be in your life for this amount of time. instead of each day passing and hoping you do not bother and annoy each other, so much time would be saved. due to the cold weather beginning i am going through the chase of recapping my winter spring and summer and all the people i have encountered and i have realized we don’t talk anymore. and not many of the people i used to talk to and no longer do bother me. simply because you outgrow people and phases and are meant for a new crowd. but sometimes the hard part about revisiting the past is you realize you have lost the people you cared about the most. 

And i was sitting thinking about this, planning this blog out i had realized that to many people focus not he fact on why them and a another person aren’t talking nobody stops and analyzes why it all fell apart. trust me people can just wake up and change however in the real world sometimes we meet the right people at the wrong time, and or just were never meant to last just cross paths with one another. 

I have been told multiple times my flaw when it comes to relationships is pride. i do not and will not put my pride aside for anybody. I do not like displaying vulnerability due to the fact i am young, we are young we are not supposed to be starting families and planning weddings and having babies, and i feel like everybody wants tot grow up so fast then get to their mid 20’s and wonders why they feel empty. We are supposed to dabble our feet around discover our true self and who and what it is we truly want. I look back and analyze every guy i have talked to in the past year

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 1. was the biggest whore i have ever encountered, but he was also one of the easiest people to talk to the other was an ex i somehow seem to go around the ring of fire with multiple times simply due to the fact he’s comfort. i know him and know what to expect out of him. and the last was somebody i truly wish i have never met. i do not know why we crossed paths and even had to communicate but if i could go to any day this year i would go back to the day i had met him and just avoided him at all cost.

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writing this is shocking simply because he was something different for me and the most fun, literally talked about anything and everything but we don’t talk anymore and i just want my time back and the memories to go due to the fact we are the right people just at the wrong time.  And i used to hope he would fall off a cliff and get hit by a car all these little nasty evil things, but i wish him the best. i hope he finds somebody and that somebody appreciates him because he is a good person. he has his flaws but i know his heart is good just has some maturing and growing up to do. But do not sit around and wait for somebody to fix themselves on their terms, because you have only so much time to live young and free, and disregard all them ” build them up” crap you see on instagram and twitter, 18,19 and early 20’s aren’t for building anybody but yourself. 

When i think to months ago i realized how we all become stuck within a moment in our lives. when i think back to a time all i can remember how it was to be in that exact moment . how we all believed this was the person who we were meant to be with and blah blah blah. the typical cliché love crap. i guess this is moving on and growing. i used to be somebody ho kept everything reserved and only told a few people what was going on in my life now i share it with the world. and when you guys read and relate it is nice. one it lets me know i am not out here living this crazy estranged out of control life. and 2. other people know what it is like. we can all say we do not care if people do not care and we are all we got. however we all in a way find comfort in knowing how somebody else is living like us because it lets us know we are not alone. there is a huge difference between wanting space and wanting to be alone. and that tricks people we want space but nobody wants to be all they have in life.  

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So as you  look back to all your fires and desires realize if it is meant to be it will return. I know how cliché but it is true. if things are meant to happen they happens and if they do never force it.  sometimes the one we want is not the one we need and it sucks but it is life. focus on you or the new somebody. you can love or hate your past but you can not relive it. realize how many people are out there and remember when the first time you and somebody you cared about stopped talking and you were all ” oh my god who will i live” ” omg nobody is like them omg i am going to die alone” now look at you still here living and breathing so get happy, realize you have time and nothing but more people to meet, more paths to cross. realize you were created to be somebody special to somebody out here in this world of 7 billion people. i am leaning i am made for my cat jasper simply because we are legit best friends. but you may not talk anymore, does not mean you have to dwell and put your life on hold. get out.explore. and live your life.

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2 thoughts on “I wish i would of stayed home.

  1. Beautiful post girl! =) When I look back over my adolescent years, I am always amazed at how many friends that I have lost along the way. Most of them was a result in just simply not keeping in touch. However, some I lost because we just simply grew up and went in different directions. Now that I am twenty-one, I have three friends ( all sisters) whom I have been friends with since fourth grade ( they are practically family at this point), and one friend that I made my very first semester of college back in 2014. That totals four people. I have people that I keep in contact with via texts and snapchat, but those four people I consider my best friends. Fall is my favorite season because I do use it as a reflective period to overview the ending year and start creating dreams for the new year. Although it would be nice to know how long individuals are going to stay in life before our pathways spread apart into different directions, I have learned valuable lessons from every friend that I have lost along my chosen pathway.

    Liked by 1 person

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