The 5 dollar box

So i am either really late, or just have never paid attention much, but am i the only one late on the memo taco bell took away the 5 dollar little lunch boxes, now they have this nasty 5 dollar value box where it is a really good taco, a nasty hard taco, and this nasty ass beans wrap thingy. I did not really pay it attention until last night. when i went on a midnight trip with my cousin to get some taco bell. And she dropped her card out the window, it had fallen under the car. so me being the great little cousin that i am got out had her pull up then me get it. and i kid you guys not i had picked up a packet of mild sauce, that is how bad my vision is when i do not have my glasses on. Anyway when we were heading back to her house i had realized  my  life had been so hectic yet still i was freaking out over a damn 5 dollar taco bell box.

Overtime my life gets like this, something big is coming, and that usually is change. I have been living pretty content in 2016, finishing up my the path to my associates, reconnecting with old friends, all while trying to fill a void that i feel. I am down everything right and what is expected of me to do, yet i feel like i am missing something major that i am supposed to be doing. i don’t know if it is me acting scared to begin one of my millions of business ideas, me procrastinating to my next youtube video which i can not even do if i wanted since yours truly lost her damn sd card somewhere. I just feel like something is off because i was freaking out over a damn 5 dollar taco bell box.

Time has made me a very strong person. I take every lose with a shred of pride and keep it pushing but this fall so far has been nothing but L’s and changes. Summer was amazing everything was flowing and now it is flowing but i keep drowning in parts of this river. I am being slammed with 3 presentations in 5 of my classes, i am losing “friends” simply because i do not want to partake in activities that they do. i am on the border of taking somebodys son out then to realize he isn’t even worth the plotting, i am just going through growing pains and i haven’t experienced these since i want to say my sophomore year.

The difference between then and now, is i though i had it al figured out. i was 15 and thought i knew it all. I thought i had the answers to everything and that everybody knew nothing. Then now i feel like the tables turned. I feel as if everybody knows it all and there i am just blank. I spent some time thinking ” who is to blame” who is the reason i don not know what the hell is going on in my life who is the reason i am just so confused, when it is nobody but time.

Moving to Georgia from Michigan was time, and within that tine i had learned a lot. that no matter where you go and our how long you been somewhere, if you heart is not in it, it will never be home.

Looking at planes pass and being jealous of the people on it simply because they are getting away and out of here, you have yet to discover true happiness, when you see people leaving and don’t have that urge to leave with them and or be jealous then you are happy and home, that requires time.

discovering what the hell you are doing with your life, i am going to let you guess…

that is time.

 

Sophomore year i was supposed to enter a new high school and give it a chance after being through elementry,middle, and 1 year of highschool with people i had known. I was supposed to come to this mostly white, clique school and give it a chance. I hated everybody in this point of time. This was not my home, sure shell was not my school, was not me. I am still bitter at the fact i have to go back there in 10 years and look at people i do  not care for and discuss how i changed in 10 years, and honestly the whole idea just is ugh i doubt i will go, simply because time has passed and that still is and never will be the high school i tell my kids about, it is simply a place where i got my diploma.

 

Senior year I was supposed to know what the hell to dow tis my life. and my plan was florida and just beginning new. but my dad was all Michigan and that was that. in that time i hated him. i did not want to come back, i did not want the winter, i had no desire to ever come back because i had this idea i hated michigan and only loved the fact my friends where there.

Currently, 1 more semester away from obtaining my degree and i am expected to know what the hell i want to do. There are days when i just want to quit it all, drop out of college and just work make money, and travel. then there are days where i just want to go to school learn and get it done, then there are my in between days where i am all about school and work. then there is now. where i am just confused as all hell as to what the hell is my life.

When I am asked who inspires me the most, i automatically say P!nk. she is truly unapologetic. l love rihanna but p!nk says all i think and feel. When life gets really confusing i just listen to her and begin to think a little bit more clear.

The first verse summons up everything about my life, the whole song to be exact.

I look at my siblings and my parents know them already. Athena is going to go to a ig school get some science or writing job and be set. Amiyah is a athlete super smart, going to a big state school. Jayven is a athlete, for sure d1 football player, parents already discuss the NFL with him. Nigel, he is a creator for sure going to be a graphic designer or architect. Tatum is said to be a athlete, so i expect the sports talk about him. And me nobody knows really.

Some said i wasn’t going to go to college, others said they’d be surprised if i graduated high school, then others said if i did go to college, i wouldn’t graduate on time, And in my own head i wanted to be a journalist, sports anchor, event planner, lawyer. I know i want to be somebody that has an impact on others and that is all i know at the moment.

It is easy to forgive, it is forgetting that is the hardest

I thought about my whole life by getting upset a taco bell taking away their 5 dollar box. Due to the fact it was a familiarity with me. it was something that had been pretty consistent as in being there, and when i realized it was gone i was shook. Time changes which means people and things will too. And you can either let it scare you or you can be scared as hell and keep pushing. I am terrified of thinking about next fall and what the hell ill be doing with my degree. but i know as of now i have to keep pushing and moving, because there is so much to see and do. And quitting now because i am confused is not an option.

So if you are lost and confused with life keep it pushing and keep doing you. time will pass things will change, and you will find yourself and routine again. have faith.

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