Last day of the year

I can not wait to see this year end, i can not wait to see 2016 vanish and 2017 come in, and i am not saying it is ” my year” or ” all my wildest dreams and visions will become a reality” i simply just want 2016 to end and just die. 2016 was the year after graduating high school, the year before getting my associates from college, and the year people showed who they were and what they were about.

This year i got distracted, i tried to socialize and act my age, and it threw me all the way off, i got caught up with the wrong people and had the wrong priorities and looking back on it now, it was such a waste of a year and time. I found myself trying to fit into this scene i had no desire to be in, and all it had done was distract me, give a temporary fun high, and fucked with my head 24/7.

To feel a little more, you have to give a little less. This year was dedicated to making some bass choices, i was quick to act and really never fully think, and that messed me up a lot. When i think back this year i would have done so many things different and i probably would of been a little bit further in life then i am right now. If i hadn’t decided to

  1. pursue a boy over pursuing my blog and YouTube channel
  2. chose the party over the extra hours at work
  3. stayed putting heat in my hair when I said i had always wanted to stay curly and embrace the curls
  4. forcing friendships to stay when I know they needed to end
  5. doing things that others should I need to do even though my heart was never in it
  6. seeing the potential in people and not the reality of who they actually are

I can honestly say, I know i am not a holiday person if i am not with family. This year as you guys know i skipped out on Georgia for christmas and stayed in Michigan and i have never felt this dead during the holidays. my sleep pattern has been irregular and i have been the furthest thing from happy since about november,  When i go back to Georgia i kid you not i can sleep, and i can sleep good and long. i have the best sleep when i go back to georgia and i realize it is because i feel at home. Though i never will claim georgia as my home nor michigan, i just feel relief when i am there. This year just woke up a lot of undressed issues i had within myself and people in my life.

In the summer i had took a trip back to Georgia for a week, and in the week alone i had realized i did not hate georgia, if anything i loved it more than Michigan. I was not confined to a high school i hated anymore, i was not dependent on my parents for money and rides, i was not dependent on anybody. i and my own money and had enough to support myself and that week back i felt more of the ” home” then i had ever felt. And that is crazy considering the 3 years i had stayed in georgia it never felt like home. more like hell and i felt trapped and just confined to a place that i hate. I had realized michigan was only a place i had wanted so bad because i knew a familiarity with it, i knew people there and knew my way around, i knew i could get around easily and advance fast in the job market and social life and georgia was a whole new world and it scared me but then this summer it had inspired me.

I am going to finish my undergrad in Michigan then I am going back to the peach state because there is more to offer and do. I do college year round and do not take breaks so at the pace in the spring or summer semester i will have finished all my undergrad and i will be taking the first flight back to Georgia because i have did all that i needed to in michigan. i had addressed problems i have been avoiding, settled internal conflicts, and realized there is nothing else left here for me to do to accomplish.

This year was dedicated to lessons after lessons and even more lessons. I can not sit here and say I had no blessings this year but nothing more than lessons on top of lessons. in 2017 i want nothing more then new people, new places to visit and just to be happy and finish college and get done and out of this state as i did when i was 12.

These 365 days were all different yet similar in their own way, when the ball drops at 12 pm I either am going to be having the time of my life of having the goddamn time of my life. i let people take a lot out and from me in 2016, in attempt to become somebody who is vulnerable and open and kind-hearted, and i am so good on it. I will always have a good heart and good intentions with everybody i cross paths with and never have any hate in my heart, however i will not be dealing with unnecessary people an energy if i don’t have to.

I hope you reading this that you’re 2017 is a good year, I hope you find things that make you happy, and surround yourself with people that make you happier. whether this year was your best or if it was hell, you made it through this year, and many haven’t. be proud and be grateful of that.  in 2017 do what you love, and love with an open heart. this year i had got my feelings hurt so many times i have lost count, but i do not intend or want to become who had hurt me. it is easy to say i have being nice i am just going to be cold and shut everybody out but that is no fun and it is easy. It is hard as hell to continue to get your feelings hurt and still love everybody and treat everybody with a kind open heart. So do not let 2016 turn you into this bold mean ass bitch, stay kind, warm and love. this world needs more love find love find happiness and do everything you can do to make 2017 your year.

 

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