I write the best at night, I think the most at night, I am the most productive at night but I hate the night. I hate not having the light. Growing up I was terrified of the dark not because of the movies and the telling of monsters and bad people but because the dark had denied my access of control. I couldn’t see what was around me but it could see me.
When I write I don’t plan, and I don’t really think it out it comes out as I think it, and at night I think a lot. Today while on break from work I was reading text messages. Some where I didn’t respond others where the person didn’t respond and some where the conversation never ended because it never begun. And I had looked at these threads and all I could think about was ” what a fucking waste of space on my phone” so while I was preparing to delete every last single thread in my phone I had thought I am going to regret doing this and decided to continue on with my day.
Work dragged today school starts Monday and all I have been thinking about was this whole week I have had a total of 28 hours of sleep, I worked 42 this week. I go through the whole day exhausted but at night I am wide awake and thinking and wanting to write, so that’s what I did I wrote in my journal about things I want to do with my blog and vlogs and had came up with a abundance of ideas then while writing I had seen it was 1 in the morning and I was wide awake writing about writing and I thought to myself maybe I hate the night so much because the quite of it screams the truth.
During the day I am always moving and busy. I am either at work working 10 hour shifts or doing schoolwork maintaining 17 credits I keep myself busy to stay out of trouble and avoid anything I don’t need to be involved in. But at night everything is awake and the sense of being Alive is bought to life. When it’s late at night I am so dissatisfied. I have so many plans and goals and I feel like I am not doing nearly the half of my ability. But then I realize I came a long way from what people had expected me to make. So at night everything just comes back at once.
1. I blog because writing in my journals was not cutting it anymore. If I was going to be bold and blunt I had to let the world know and help others out.
2. Broken people write the best novels
3. All the people who i talk to everyday don’t even live in the same state as me
4. I don’t hate the night, I just hate the fact it is not given the same beauty as the day.
I didn’t break down and rebuild myself on a summer mornings day, I did on a fall night. I didn’t realize that I had literally pulled myself out the mud and made things happen for myself by myself on a spring evening, I realized it on a winter night, and I didn’t realize I was coming into my sense of self until tonight when I realized I had become one with the night.
The night is dark, and you can’t see far ahead nor behind but the night makes you get going. Nobody wants to stand in one dark place forever. It is the night for me that I find the motivation to get my dreams going, the night is when I have a million thoughts and silent room and a blog to vent to.