Trial period expired

Moment of silence for 616-401-27..

My trial month is over, I started 2017 with a clear mind and a goal, and the goal is in motion so people had to get cut. As a person who wrote about being used because you are useful and not being used because you are useless, i have realized the people in my life and they are useless, time-consuming projects that i am simply done entertaining.

When i went into this year i promised myself this year i was going to elevate everything. from my blog, body, gpa, bank account, hair growth i was just going to become this new happy positive person and i have been doing it however for some reason the people around me were not matching the energy and vibe i needed to be surrounded by and that created conflict. And with conflict came problems.

When you get better they become bitter

I had made myself a planner and within the planner i had put all i needed to do and when i read it i somehow do not see ” deal with people’s bullshit” and for some reason i have caught myself dealing with people’s bullshit. So when i woke up today i had reached the point of no return and go my scissors and got to going, and cutting people the hell off and out of my life.

I have stayed up a lot of nights doing homework, thinking how i am going to expand my blog, looking up trending topics and keywords, and thinking how to market and promote myself beyond the ways that i am doing. I am trying to become somebody who is important and inspiring. And when you try to do better people seemed to get pissed off because you show them you are from the same place and same circumstances however you are making it out while they are still stuck.

The beauty in the struggle

I hate when people do me ” favors” and want to tell everybody they did it and who you owe them this and that because they did things do you, and all i ask of people is do me the favor of not doing me any favors. I do not need your help or you to buy me anything or guide me, i can get everything on my own and have proved it on multiple occasions. When i fall down i pick myself up and dust myself off and keep it pushing and i expect the same thing when i go up, celebrate my hard work by myself because the bottom created the person who everybody idolizes.

Alone time

I have been kind of bored lately, i have been pretty contained into my room and have random moments when i want to go out and see people and socialize, and then i stop and think about how i do not want to be bothered and how it is best if i just stay home. And in the midst of staying home i realized people still had the power to reach me and that was a huge problem,. so i did what i could to stop that communication from happening i changed my number, and today has been the silentest day of my life, and i have never felt so refreshed and able to breathe. I do not have to get the unwanted infamous text  from half ass part time associate friends, guys who i gave my number out to on instagram back in 2015, and people who only want to talk to me when they need something or are being nosey. And i see who is actually checking in on me and it is just a huge wake up call and puts all into perspective.

Let them assume

people are going to think i blocked them, my phone bill is not paid, i even heard the assumption that my dad is paying my phone bill which i wished, but my dad is paying my bill, which i wished was true but the man is pretty locked on showing me tough love and making me work for everything, and i am just going to let everyone assume, and guess, get mad, do what they have to do to get all their feelings out but i am done connecting with people who offer nothing to me but temporary time and usage of my 10 gb data.  

In the end it is all about me because it is my world

When all’s said and done, i am selfish. i care about me more than i care about anybody else, and i say this in the most humble way because my whole 19 years of my life while being taught the american holiday lies, the pythagorean theorem, the importance of good credit and maintaining a healthy body weight, the one lesson people love to preach but never practice is the importance of loving themselves.  I spent a lot of years trying to tweak who i was to fit in with others and be accepted amongst families and friends, when in reality i was who wanted to be and it simply was not everybody’s cup of tea. And i do not want to be, what good is it to be fake loved by everybody rather than hated by everybody and loved by a select few? Recognize your worth and do not settle for less than what you deserve, because when you lay down with the dogs you get fleas.  Take a step back from everything and put everything into perspective and live your life. do not keep those around who do to want to be kept, do not talk to those who do nothing but drain you, and do not ever compromise your self respect for company. When you learn to accept yourself and the fact you will have to spend time alone whether it be hours, days, weeks,months,years learn yourself and appreciate and give yourself credit for all that you do.

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3 thoughts on “Trial period expired

  1. That is not being selfish, that is learning the lesson of life that usually takes us 50 -60 years to learn ! In the end, all that matters is how well i lived my life. If there’s drama, trouble, bad decisions.. they are only mine. And if in the end, I believe I have been true to myself, then I think it has been a successful life. You have an awesome confidence, don’t ever lose it. You are going to be successful byond your widest dreams !

    Liked by 1 person

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