Nobody ever thinks to themselves that maybe one day you and your friend will grow apart. however life happens, people grow and changed and things either make some people grow and or some people break. the older we get, the situations we go through it all changes out. And change can be good for us, yet bad for those around us. Some people are content with their life and have no desire to change, whereas other people are change junkies and are always aspiring to grow and expand themselves and try new things. So what do you do when you begin to outgrow your friends? How are you sure that you both are just simply growing apart? here are 5 major signs that your friendship is toxic.
#`1: You get irritated by their presence
This is the biggest indicator that the friendship is changing and it is not for the best. I have had this happen to me and ignored the many presentable and obvious signs this feeling brought to me. I thought that i was just being dramatic and just paranoid but the gut feeling is always right. when the person you once loved to be around hangout and do things with, suddenly begins to irritate you just at the thought of being around them, that is a sign that the friendship is beginning to meet its end. I had this one friend who i did everything with and who was, who i considered my best friend however as time passed and both of our lives began to change, w simply had begun to grow apart. and when we would hang out we had no common interest and simply just became irritated by simply even being around each other
#2 The friendship becomes like a job
I can not stress thes enough, i have had some friendships begin and they were the most fun, spontaneous, and breath of fresh air friendships i have experienced, however as time passed i had began to feel as if these friendships were more of jobs and they were jobs thats
- i was not getting paid for
- drained the soul out of my body
- simply was not my cup of tea
When you begin to think of a friendship as a job, it is time to get out. When you have to put in work to simply communicate and make plans, and feel drained by simply trying to maintain and keep the relationship then it is, a job, and if you are not enjoying it i suggest you leave it and look for better.
#3 They are friends with your enemies
This is the oldest yet the boldest sign out there. one thing my dad taught me and i grew up realizing is that ” real friends share the same enemies” and i mean this. When people hangout with people who do not like you and speak down on you, who do you think is discussed when you are not around??? I am not saying if i do not like the person go out of your way to let them know you do not like them either, however do not be buddy buddy with them then come back to my face smiling and laughing with me as if we are friends. I had a “friend” sit around and talk about me with another “friend” and how i was this and that and how i believed i was better than everybody and how if i continued to party i was going to be a failure in school. well the funny part is these were the same people who were not afraid to ask for rides to places they need to be in my car, the same people who did not have the money to buy something off the dollar menu and my money had put food in their stomach, the same people who had always came to me with needs for favors and help and i would always say yes. Because i thought they were my friends but nope. they were both some jealous ass bitter people.
#4 When they are jealous of the things you have
I was not born rich, i was not born into the perfect american family, everything that i have and get i have worked for. i have had “friends” say that i do not know what it is like to have to work because my family takes care of me.
Let me just say this, my mom was 19 when she had me my dad was 20 going on 21, i was not born into money and never lived a lavish life with nice things, i lived a nice life yes, and my family did all they could to provide for me however i never received or sought handouts.
When a friend makes remarks on your car, your body, your preferences in people, and all that it is hating. i have a friend who makes shady remarks and it used to bother me until i realized everything she was shading, she was mad she could never pull off.
when a friend compliments you with shade… that is hating. i learned that you can not be friends with people who want you have, i had “friends” who would go out their way to try to sabotage what i had going on and for myself simply so i could be were they were and not grow. REAL FRIENDS WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY AND PROSPERING A FRIEND WHO DOES NOT PUSH YOU TO BE SOMEBODY AND BE PRODUCTIVE THAT IS NOT A FRIEND.
#5 They count favors
When i say i got you, i got you. i do not count favors. I do not do something with the deal ” i do this for you, you do this for me” i was raised to be better than that. if i do a favor i do it because i want to, not because i have to. I have lost count on how many friends and even family have thrown a favor they did for me in my face, and my thing is do me the favor and don’t do me a favor if it is only leverage to you. Never keep these type of friends or people around. people like this feel entitled and in charge, when in reality they are weak cowards. It takes a strong person to give and give and give and not throw the ” id do this this this and that and now you owe me.” they simply do the nice things because they want to help, not count and create leverage.
If you have read any of these and it has hit home i would suggest working it out if you believe the friendship is worth it, or simply cutting the ties and moving on.